Pastoral Psychologist's Reflection on John 14:23-29 - Coping with Grief

This Sunday is the Sunday before the solemn feast of the Ascension of the Lord, 40 days after the Resurrection. This year (Year C in the liturgical calendar), the solemnity comes this Thursday. But, in many parts of the United States, this feast is celebrated on the Sunday that follows the actual feast. So, next Sunday is the Ascension Sunday.

As risen Christ’s departure for heaven (Ascension) draws near, we continue to read from Jesus’ Last Supper Discourse in John’s Gospel. The discourse was originally given to prepare his twelve disciples for his physical absence, after washing the disciples’ feet. The narratives of Jesus’ Last Supper Discourse are found from John 13 through 17. The physical absence of Jesus indicated in his discourse was not only the 3-day absence between his death on the Cross and his Resurrection but also his extended physical absence after his ascension into heaven to be with the Father (i.e. John 14:28, 16:28) – the extended physical absence until Parousia, which is described in the Book of Revelation.

In reading this Sunday’s Gospel narrative (John 14:23-29), we experience a sense of imminence, sensing that Jesus – the risen Lord – won’t be around any longer.  This emotional experience may invoke some anxiety – as to how we would go on with life without the Lord?!  Psychologically, this is an emotional experience of anticipatory grief – already experiencing a real grief even by simply anticipating or assuming what has not yet happened.  For more detailed information about anticipatory grief, it is best to consult Erich Lindemann’s original work: Lindemann, E. (1944) ‘The symptomatology and management of acute grief’ American Journal of Psychiatry, 101, 141-148.

Prior to today’s Gospel narrative, Jesus already signaled his imminent departure and physical absence to his disciple (us) by stating: "Little children, I am with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, now I also say to you, 'Where I am going, you cannot come'”(John 13:33).  As far as the Gospel narratives indicate, the disciples did not seem to quite understand why Jesus was telling them such a thing. But, we, the faithful today, are to sense not only that Jesus was foretelling his imminent death on the Cross but also that he was preparing the disciples, as well as us, the faithful, to keep the faith during the extended period of his physical absence until Parousia.

I say, “physical absence” because this is not Jesus’ complete absence.  Ascension does not mean that Jesus is completely gone from us in order to return to the Father, who sent him to this world.

So, what does it mean that I am saying this is simply “physical absence” of Jesus but not real (absolute) absence of Jesus upon his Ascension?

The answer is found in these words of Jesus in this Sunday’s Gospel narrative: “The Advocate, the holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name—he will teach you everything and remind you of all that [I] told you”(John 14:26).

Now, Jesus is assuring that he is not going to abandon us just because he is leaving this world to return to the Father in heaven.  To prove this, he is promising that the Father, who sent him (Jesus) to us (about 2,000 years ago) through the Immaculate Conception in Mary, who is “Theotokos ( Θεοτόκος)”, in Luke 1:26-38, Matthew 1:18-21, is also sending us the Holy Spirit.  Interestingly, Matthew 1:18 describes Jesus as the child of the Holy Spirit.

This reveals the third essence of Triune God, the Holy Spirit as “Paraclete ( παράκλητος)”, which literally means an advocate and a helper. And, with this narrative piece, now all the Easter season Gospel readings from John’s Gospel so far offer a full picture of Jesus in Trinity.

On the 4^th Sunday of Easter season (this Sunday is the 6^th Sunday of Easter season), in revealing his identity, Jesus mentioned his consubstantial relation with the Father: “The Father and I are one”(John 10:30).  So, until this Sunday, our Christological understanding was based on the Father-Son consubstantial union, which is not to be confused with a symbiotic union. A symbiotic union (relationship) is considered rather pathological in developmental clinical psychology. 

The Father and the Son are not the same although they are one because they are united as one in substance – sharing the same substance (literal meaning of “consubstantial”) but each has its unique character and maintains its own unique being – while each being is completely fused in a symbiotic union or a symbiotic relationship.

Now, through the above-mentioned narrative of John 14:26, the Holy Spirit, as Paraclete, is introduced to us for revelation of a complete picture of Triune God and its three components: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

The Father has been always invisible to us. This is what the Jewish people know better than anyone else. That is why Moses “experienced” God through burning bush, which was visible (Exodus 3).  Now, the Son, who is the visible and tangible incarnation of the invisible God, is about to become physically absent (becoming invisible, intangible) due to the imminent Ascension.  But, just before his departure to be with the Father, the Son is telling us that the invisible Holy Spirit would be sent to us by the Father so that we will not be kept in dark upon his Ascension.

From a pastoral psychological view, reviewing the Easter season Gospel readings this far and until Pentecost, which follows the Ascension Sunday, is helpful in providing pastoral care and pastoral counseling for those who are grieving over their deceased loved ones, as long as they are believers.

In a way, Jesus’ physical absence can be juxtaposed to physical absence of our beloved diseased ones. Yes, we always miss and grieve because our love for them continues on their respective deaths.  We continue to grieve to varied degrees over an extended period of time, because their prolonged physical absence cannot make our love for them fade.  This is how we understand John Bowlby’s (1969) view on how grief and attachment (affection, love)  in the context of pastoral psychology.

Therefore, taking these words of Jesus in John 14:26 on Paraclate can help a person, who grieves over a loss of his or her loved one and continue on his or her meaningful relationship with his or her loved one.

Perhaps, this song, “I am a Thousand Winds” can help us appreciate this pastoral psychological concept in light of the Gospel reading.

Don't stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

Don't stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die
I am the swift rush of birds in flight
Soft stars that shine at night

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

Don't stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwkX3y8IFpQ

Of course, another character of the Holy Spirit, is a wind, breath – Ruah (Ruach) Elohim in Hebrew.

Sensing this pastoral psychological truth, Jesus further said, “If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father; for the Father is greater than I” (John 14:28). 

To further interpret this from a pastoral psychological perspective, Jesus is teaching not only that following his new command (to love one another as Jesus has loved – John 13:34, which appeared in the last Sunday’s Gospel reading) shall help us cope with grief over the physical absence of our deceased loved ones – because, which keeping our faith in Christ, the commander also means to love him.  We are faithful to a person we love, don’t we?

This Sunday, my friend, Reggie, testified this truth, as he shared his grief over his deceased sister, mixed with his appreciation and joy that God has sent him – his spiritual brother and sisters – in place of his beloved sister’s too-soon departure from this world.  As a pastoral psychologist, I have witnessed how Reggie’s steadfast faith in God and everlasting love for his sister, whose 4^th death anniversary was this Sunday, have been helping both him on earth and his sister in heaven.  I am sure that Reggie is sensing his sister’s (spiritual) presence as in the above song, too.  I am also grateful for Reggie’s testimony.

Scripture Reflection for 5th Sunday of Easter Year C - New Command of Jesus (Agape) and the Kingdom of God

Background of This Sunday’s Readings:

Last Sunday’s Gospel reading has reminded us that the Father and Jesus are one (John 10:30). It means that Jesus bears the quality of the Father. Jesus spoke of this self-identification with the Father to explain why he identifies himself as the Good Shepherd, who lays his life for his sheep – his people. It means that Jesus is the Good Shepherd, who lays his own life for his sheep, because he and the Father are one – as he shares the one power with the Father. 

This Sunday’s Gospel reading (John 13:31-33a, 34-35) further explores Jesus’ uniquely relationship in unity with the Father. 

The setting is Jesus’ discourse during Last Supper – shortly after Jesus washed his disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17).  He said to the disciples, “Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself, and he will glorify him at once” (John 13:31-32). 

The glorification means the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ to save us. Thus, when Jesus said about “glorification”, it did not simply mean “being praised”.  It implies that glorification of Jesus, through his death and resurrection, means glorification of the Father in Jesus. Thus, the glorification of Jesus is not only to save us but also to glorify the Father in him. Not to mention, Jesus was not seeking his own glorification at all.  This was made evident when Jesus was speaking to the Jews: “If I glorify Myself, My glory is nothing; it is My Father who glorifies Me,” (John 8:54); "But I do not seek My glory; there is One who seeks and judges,”(John 8:50).  Ultimately, it is for the Father, whom he is in one with. 

Because Jesus’ glorification comes with his own death, he had to foretell the disciples about his imminent death;” My children, I will be with you only a little while longer,”(John 13:33).  This means that Jesus’ discourse during Last Supper, including today’s Gospel reading , is his farewell speech to his beloved disciples. This is like a dying person is peaking to his or her immediate family members while he or she still can, before the last breath, passing on something important to his or her beloved family members.  If you have been there for someone important dying, I am sure you have felt intense love during this person’s words during  his or her very last hour on earth.  This Sunday’s Gospel reading can give us a very similar nuance. 

As the end of his time before his glorification is fast approaching, Jesus wanted to give his beloved disciples the most important commandment; “I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another,”(John 13: 34). 

In Depth with This Sunday’s Readings:

Jesus’ new commandment during Last Supper discourse echoes Jesus’ explanation of washing his disciples’ feet earlier: “Do you realize what I have done for you?  You call me ‘teacher’ and ‘master,’ and rightly so, for indeed I am. If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another’s feet.  I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do,”(John 13:12-15).  This indicates that Jesus washed his disciples’ feet earlier during Last Supper because he wanted to demonstrate what he was about to tell, the new commandment– to love one another as he has loved the disciples.  

Of course, in the original Greek text, the love in Jesus’ new commandment means “agape” (ἀγαπᾶτε  in John 13:34)– the kind of love Jesus was expecting from Peter in his three-fold question if Peter loves (ἀγαπᾷς ) him (John 21: 15-17 in 3^rd Sunday of Easter).  

Whenever Jesus talks about love, he means “agape”.  Thus, the kind of love that Jesus commands comes with self-sacrifices.  And keeping this command of agape is the essence of our Christian identity as indicated in John 13:35.  Therefore, our discipleship can demands us to endure many hardships, which comes with our self-sacrifices, so that we may enter the Kingdom of God (Acts 14:22), as read in the first reading this Sunday.

Not to Confuse Trinitarian Unity and the Divine-Human Unity in the Kingdom of God:

For those who endure challenges in following Jesus’ commandment of agape, the Kingdom of God, as described in this Sunday’s second reading (Revelation 21:1-5a) is where we are led to.  This is where God live with the humans in harmony, like a husband and a wife living in unity.  This unity between the divinity and the humanity in the Kingdom of God, juxtaposed with an image of the Sacrament of Matrimony,  also reflects the union between Jesus, the Son, and the Father in heaven (John 10:30). However, there is a caution here not to confuse the Trinitarian indication in John 10:30 to this divine-human harmony with a metaphoric symbol of matrimonial sacramental union in Revelation 21:2.  

Theologically, the union between Jesus, the Son, and the Father in Trinity, indicated in John 10:3,  is on a different level from the union between the divinity and the humanity, indicated in Revelation 21:2.  A difficulty in interpreting John 10:30 was also alluded in C. S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”, because dualism is a culprit of having a hard time to accept Jesus’ divinity based on John 10:30 in light of Trinity. Certainly, this kind of difficulty stemming from dualism can make it difficult to appreciate a marriage-like union between the divinity and the humanity in the Kingdom of God described in Revelation 21:2.

An image of the Kingdom of God in Revelation 21:1-5a echoes an image from  Revelation 7:17, “For the Lamb who is in the center of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to springs of life-giving water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes”, which we read last Sunday, as well as an image from Isaiah 25:8, “He will destroy death forever. The Lord GOD will wipe away the tears from all faces; The reproach of his people he will remove from the whole earth; for the LORD has spoken”.

Approaching This Sunday’s Readings from a Japanese Shin Buddhist View:

There will be a refreshingly new start in the Kingdom of God, as everything in the old paradigm is gone, including stings of sins we had. Also, gone are suffering, death and grief. This is a new state attained through meaningfully enduring the paradigm of impermanence, which characterizes the World in John’s Gospel. 

What John symbolically describes as the World is like what Pure Land School of Buddhism, especially Japanese Shin Buddhism, describes as the “shigan/此岸 “of the River of Three Crossings or Sanzu River, (三途の川).   In John’s Gospel, the World is described as opposed to Heaven (the Kingdom of God).  For example, “The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world came to be through him, but the world did not know him,”(John 1:9-10). In this, “he” means Jesus Christ, who is the light, as John 8:12 shows, "I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

The River of Three Crossings in Japanese Buddhism divides the shigan/此岸 , world of the living Bonpu/凡夫 (ordinary people with kleshas, not yet attaining bodhisattva status and awakening) and the world of those who have attaining Buddhahood by awakening or through passing the judgement upon death, called “higan/彼岸”, which also means Pure Land, where there is no suffering.  To put this in Christian view, the River of Three Crossing in Japanese Buddhism is whatever the demarcation between the World and the Kingdom of God.

In the Japanese Pure Land Buddhism view, Pure Land is free from the cycle of transgenerational reincarnation (輪廻転生), which is characterized with the Ten Spiritual Realms (十界), which includes the Six Lower Realms (六界), which includes hell (地獄), hunger（餓鬼）, animality（畜生）, and humanity（人界）.  Thus, there is no more transmigration of the soul once a person reaches the Pure Land, according to Pure Land Buddhism, upon successfully enduring the suffering of life (one of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism) in the reality of impermanence in shigan.

This Sunday’s readings reflect Christians hope to enter into the Kingdom of God through keeping Jesus’ commandment of agape, enduring challenges of self-sacrifices, transcending everything in the World of impermanence, including suffering and death. This important message from this Sunday’s readings nicely echoes Japanese Pure Land Buddhism’s teaching on reaching Pure Land by successfully crossing the River of Three Crossings (Sanzu River) by attaining Buddhahood, which requires a meaningful endurance of a life of suffering (dukkha) and passing the judgement, through practicing the Dharma, which Gautama (Shakamuni) Buddha has taught. 

For Japanese Shin Buddhism, besides practicing the Dharma, as taught by Buddha (historical Buddha), following the immeasurable light of Amitabha Buddha with Nembutsu/念仏, by invoking the word, Namu Amidabutsu/南無阿弥陀仏,with sincerely humility, can  lead us to Pure Land, successfully crossing the River of Three Crossings. For Christians, the path to the Kingdom of God is attained  by following this simple new command of Jesus: love one another with agape as he has loved, enduring sufferings and tribulations that the agape requires. Because Jesus is the Good Shepherd (John 10:11), we, the sheep, must listen to and follow this Shepherd’s command as he leads us to the Kingdom.  

For Buddhists, Amitabha (Amida) Buddha is the guiding light, while Christ is the guiding light (i.e. John 8:12) to the Christians, to transcend the reality of impermanence, the reality of suffering, in “shigan” in Japanese Buddhism or the World in Christianity.

It seems that the teaching of Jesus found in this Sunday’s readings elaborates Buddhist teaching with agape, especially its transcendental and salvific nature.