When we are offended, our first reaction is anger. Then, we may be tempted to avenge. It is how the limbic system, which is beneath the cerebral cortex of our brain, works. However, our lives shall not be dictated by the limbic system as we live according to the Word of God, empowered by the Holy Spirit and appreciating the boundless mercy of God. In order to understand what Jesus meant by forgiving "seventy-seven times", we must recognize the importance of God's mercy on us so that our responses to offenses against us will not be solely dictated by the limbic system and become vengeful. Putting reign on the limbic system not only through our rational thinking but also by the Word spoken by Jesus is also how we can overcome our narcissistic disposition, which prompts us to cling to anger and hatred, leading to increase our desire for retribution.
The scripture readings from Matthew 18:21-35, Sirach 27:30-28:7 , and Romans 14:7-9 can help us mediate on how we can keep our response to offenses against us from being dictated by the limbic system and how we can overcome our narcissistic tendency to avenge so that our response shall become forgiveness without a limit, reflecting the boundless mercy of God.
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When Peter asked Jesus, how many times he should forgive someone who had offended him, Jesus’ answer was “not seven times but seventy-seven times”(Matthew 18:21-22). What did Jesus meant by this ?
We must be careful not to
read the scriptures as fundamentalists do whenever we come across certain
numbers. We need to interpret numbers in the contexts so that we do not take
them literally whenever they are not meant to. Usually, in the scriptures, numbers
are used rather symbolically. We must understand what the numbers mean in the
contexts of the sentences.
In the case of
“seventy-seven times” in the above statement of Jesus, it is understood that
Jesus meant to teach the indefiniteness when we forgive someone. By saying,
“not even seven times but seventy-seven times” to forgive, Jesus has told Peter
that our forgiveness has no limit. We cannot put a cap in regard to how many
times we should forgive.
Actually, the peculiarity of
“seven” and “seventy-seven” in Jesus’ statement on forgiveness in Matthew
18:21-22 can be traced back to Genesis 4:15 and 23-24.
Cain said to God, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today
you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I
will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me”(Genesis
4:13-14). In reply, God said, “Not so; if
anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over” and put a
mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him (Genesis 4:15).
God sure punished Cain for
killing his brother, Abel. However, God not only spared Cain’s life but even
protected him from any avenger so that no one would kill him, because He did
not want sin of Cain to spread like an infectious disease. In other words,
God’s special care for Cain was more to care for the world, keeping murder from
spreading. God wanted Cain to be the last person, who had committed murder.
Alas, one of Cain’s
offspring, Lamech, obviously failed to appreciate God’s special care not only
for his ancestor, Cain, but for the world, as he became so proud of the ruthless
vengeance he had afflicted on a person who had offended him:
“Adah and Zillah, Listened to me; wives of Lamech, hear m words. I have
killed a man for wounding me, and young man for injuring me. If Cain is avenged
seven times, then Lamech seventy-seven times” (Genesis 4:23-24).
Now, it takes a bit of
psychology to understand the problem of Lamech.
First, the way Lamech boasted
to his wives about his avenge indicates that he thinks of himself greater than
Cain. He thought that his enemy would
deserve seventy-seven-fold avenge if Cain’s enemy was entitled to sevenfold
avenge. Second, he usurps God in regard to the power to retaliate a person who
offends him. It was not Cain to avenge but God.
Even God so chooses, it will be sevenfold. However, Lamech proudly takes
up the power of retaliation on his hands not sevenfold but seventy-seven-fold. This
gives an impression as if he thought of himself greater than God in regard to the
power of revenge. Obviously, Lamech exhibited a clinical symptom of
grandiosity, which is typical of narcissistic personality disorder.
When Peter specifically
asked if “seven times” to forgive (Matthew 18:21), perhaps, he was thinking of
Genesis 4:15 to counter. In his reply to this, Jesus could have been thinking
of Genesis 4:23-24 to indicate that forgiveness is to be done in a way to overcome
the narcissistic problem of Lamech – to free the world from Lamech’s grandiosity
of taking pride in retaliating even far more severely than God would.
Now, we can reflect on why
Jesus wants us to forgive indefinitely by saying “seventy-seven times”.
Reading Matthew 18:21-35 in
conjunction with Sirach 27:30-28:7 and Romans 14:7-9, as in the Liturgy of the
Word for the 24th Sunday in Ordinary Time on Cycle A, with reference
to Genesis 4:15 and 23-24, we realize that
Jesus’ intent in encouraging us to forgive without a cap is for us to overcome
our narcissistic propensity. Psychologically,
the stronger our narcissistic tendency becomes, the more difficult it is to
forgive but the stronger our anger and desire for vengeance can become.
The passage from Sirach reminds
us that our tendency for vengeance reflects the sinfulness, which may become
like Lamechs’ pride for his ability to revenge. To keep us from becoming like
Lamech, Paul’s words in Romans 14 guide us to understand that we do not live
and die for our own selves but for the Lord, who died and was raised for
us. It is because the bottom line of our
difficulty to forgive is our narcissistic disposition, which gives a false
notion that we live for ourselves.
The unforgiving servant in
Matthew 18:21-35 was unable to forgive his fellow servant as his master did to
him because his narcissism. Both this unforgiving servant and Lamech are on the
same spectrum of narcissism. The unforgiving servant begged mercy to his master
when he was in debt, and his debt was canceled as his master was merciful.
Though he was to be as merciful as his master was to him, this servant was
merciless to his fellow servant who owed him because he was so self-centered.
Through the case of this unforgiving servant, the Gospel passage reminds us
that a lack of gratitude for mercy is a symptom of narcissism and makes us
become merciless to others. This problem may make us as arrogant and vengeful
as Lamech, if we did not recognize our own narcissistic propensity and wake up
to the truth that we are not living for ourselves but for the Lord.
Jesus wants us to be as
merciful as the Father is merciful (Luke 6:36), and we must remember that
retribution, if it has to be done, is solely for God to execute – not us
(Deuteronomy 32:35). If we do not discipline our ego, then, we may become merciless
like the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 and arrogantly vengeful like Lamech
in Genesis 4:23-24. That is why we need to remember, as Paul says in Romans 14:7-9,
that we live for God, who is merciful and slow to anger and abundant in love
(Psalm 103:8).
Leave vengeance to God and
imitate God for His boundless mercy so that we can forgive those who offend us
without a limit, as we overcome our narcissistic disposition by understanding
that our life is not for ourselves but for God. That is why Jesus has taught to
forgive “seventy-seven” times.
As we taste the boundless
mercy of God, we grow in our gratitude to His abundant love. Through God’s
mercy, we can overcome our narcissistic disposition. This is how we can
neutralize the spiritual poison of Lamech’s arrogant and escalating vengeance. Otherwise,
we may live in a samsara-like vicious
endless cycle of Lamech’s vengeance until we burn our souls in our own anger
and hatred.
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