“Cost” of Discipleship: Do We Have to “Hate” Our Beloved Families to Follow Christ? Absolutely Not!

Jesus has said, “If any one comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26

Many people find this expression very difficult to accept. They wonder why Jesus had to say such a thing. Some of them even argue why Jesus had to make a demand that contradicts the mizvah to honor parents (Exodus 20:12).

Do we really have to “hate” our parents and siblings in order to become disciples of Christ?

If you take Luke 14:26 out of the context, you might mistakenly think so. However,  if you read Luke 14:26 along with Matthew 10:37, in which Jesus has said, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me”,  you realize that “hate” in Luke 14:26 may not necessarily mean “hate” but “not to love more than anyone else”. In fact, the Greek word in the original text used for “hate” in Luke 14:26 is μισεῖ(misei), which is derived from μισέω(miseo). This Greek verb not only means “to hate” but “to love or esteem less”.

Now you can clearly see that we do not have to “hate” our beloved families in order to become disciples of Christ and to follow his way. Rather, what is required for our discipleship is to love Christ more than anyone else – even more than our parents and siblings – even more than our spouses.  After all, Luke 14:26 is about hierarchy of our love objects: Christ first and foremost,  as echoed in Matthew 10:37 and μισέω(miseo) means.

Because Christ, the Son in Trinity, is God, Luke 14:26, along with Matthew 10:37, reflects Deuteronomy 6:5, which says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might”.  It is about loving Christ, who is God, steadfastly and unconditionally, because God loves us so first (Ephesians 1:3-14).

In fact, if there is a cost of the discipleship, it must be all obstacles that keeps us from loving Christ above all – obstacles that prevent us from becoming one with Christ.  After all, Christ wants us to be one with him as he is so with the Father (John 14:20).  This is our priority to follow him on his way as his disciples.

Yes, we can still love our parents, siblings, spouses, and friends. In fact, we must love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Leviticus 19:18), too, and Jesus has said that this is the greatest commandment as it is put together with Deuteronomy 6:5 (Luke 10:27; Matthew 22:36–40; Mark 12:28–31). However, the priority of our agape is always Christ, who is God, the Son, as in Deuteronomy 6:5. Our love for anyone else, including our families and ourselves, follows our love of Christ. And, this is what the discipleship of Christ is all about.

Remember, our faith in Christ – our discipleship – is all about love: our love of Christ first, then our love of neighbors , as well as ourselves.

Do we love Christ so that we can love our parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, and ourselves better?  Anything that compromises our way of love must be eliminated, and this is the cost of our discipleship.  Not to hate anyone but to love God first so that we can love one another as Christ has loved us (John 13:34-35).

May our love of Christ makes us better lover to each other.