Pastoral Psychologist's Reflection on John 14:23-29 - Coping with Grief

This Sunday is the Sunday before the solemn feast of the Ascension of the Lord, 40 days after the Resurrection. This year (Year C in the liturgical calendar), the solemnity comes this Thursday. But, in many parts of the United States, this feast is celebrated on the Sunday that follows the actual feast. So, next Sunday is the Ascension Sunday.

As risen Christ’s departure for heaven (Ascension) draws near, we continue to read from Jesus’ Last Supper Discourse in John’s Gospel. The discourse was originally given to prepare his twelve disciples for his physical absence, after washing the disciples’ feet. The narratives of Jesus’ Last Supper Discourse are found from John 13 through 17. The physical absence of Jesus indicated in his discourse was not only the 3-day absence between his death on the Cross and his Resurrection but also his extended physical absence after his ascension into heaven to be with the Father (i.e. John 14:28, 16:28) – the extended physical absence until Parousia, which is described in the Book of Revelation.

In reading this Sunday’s Gospel narrative (John 14:23-29), we experience a sense of imminence, sensing that Jesus – the risen Lord – won’t be around any longer.  This emotional experience may invoke some anxiety – as to how we would go on with life without the Lord?!  Psychologically, this is an emotional experience of anticipatory grief – already experiencing a real grief even by simply anticipating or assuming what has not yet happened.  For more detailed information about anticipatory grief, it is best to consult Erich Lindemann’s original work: Lindemann, E. (1944) ‘The symptomatology and management of acute grief’ American Journal of Psychiatry, 101, 141-148.

Prior to today’s Gospel narrative, Jesus already signaled his imminent departure and physical absence to his disciple (us) by stating: "Little children, I am with you a little while longer. You will seek Me; and as I said to the Jews, now I also say to you, 'Where I am going, you cannot come'”(John 13:33).  As far as the Gospel narratives indicate, the disciples did not seem to quite understand why Jesus was telling them such a thing. But, we, the faithful today, are to sense not only that Jesus was foretelling his imminent death on the Cross but also that he was preparing the disciples, as well as us, the faithful, to keep the faith during the extended period of his physical absence until Parousia.

I say, “physical absence” because this is not Jesus’ complete absence.  Ascension does not mean that Jesus is completely gone from us in order to return to the Father, who sent him to this world.

So, what does it mean that I am saying this is simply “physical absence” of Jesus but not real (absolute) absence of Jesus upon his Ascension?

The answer is found in these words of Jesus in this Sunday’s Gospel narrative: “The Advocate, the holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name—he will teach you everything and remind you of all that [I] told you”(John 14:26).

Now, Jesus is assuring that he is not going to abandon us just because he is leaving this world to return to the Father in heaven.  To prove this, he is promising that the Father, who sent him (Jesus) to us (about 2,000 years ago) through the Immaculate Conception in Mary, who is “Theotokos ( Θεοτόκος)”, in Luke 1:26-38, Matthew 1:18-21, is also sending us the Holy Spirit.  Interestingly, Matthew 1:18 describes Jesus as the child of the Holy Spirit.

This reveals the third essence of Triune God, the Holy Spirit as “Paraclete ( παράκλητος)”, which literally means an advocate and a helper. And, with this narrative piece, now all the Easter season Gospel readings from John’s Gospel so far offer a full picture of Jesus in Trinity.

On the 4^th Sunday of Easter season (this Sunday is the 6^th Sunday of Easter season), in revealing his identity, Jesus mentioned his consubstantial relation with the Father: “The Father and I are one”(John 10:30).  So, until this Sunday, our Christological understanding was based on the Father-Son consubstantial union, which is not to be confused with a symbiotic union. A symbiotic union (relationship) is considered rather pathological in developmental clinical psychology. 

The Father and the Son are not the same although they are one because they are united as one in substance – sharing the same substance (literal meaning of “consubstantial”) but each has its unique character and maintains its own unique being – while each being is completely fused in a symbiotic union or a symbiotic relationship.

Now, through the above-mentioned narrative of John 14:26, the Holy Spirit, as Paraclete, is introduced to us for revelation of a complete picture of Triune God and its three components: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

The Father has been always invisible to us. This is what the Jewish people know better than anyone else. That is why Moses “experienced” God through burning bush, which was visible (Exodus 3).  Now, the Son, who is the visible and tangible incarnation of the invisible God, is about to become physically absent (becoming invisible, intangible) due to the imminent Ascension.  But, just before his departure to be with the Father, the Son is telling us that the invisible Holy Spirit would be sent to us by the Father so that we will not be kept in dark upon his Ascension.

From a pastoral psychological view, reviewing the Easter season Gospel readings this far and until Pentecost, which follows the Ascension Sunday, is helpful in providing pastoral care and pastoral counseling for those who are grieving over their deceased loved ones, as long as they are believers.

In a way, Jesus’ physical absence can be juxtaposed to physical absence of our beloved diseased ones. Yes, we always miss and grieve because our love for them continues on their respective deaths.  We continue to grieve to varied degrees over an extended period of time, because their prolonged physical absence cannot make our love for them fade.  This is how we understand John Bowlby’s (1969) view on how grief and attachment (affection, love)  in the context of pastoral psychology.

Therefore, taking these words of Jesus in John 14:26 on Paraclate can help a person, who grieves over a loss of his or her loved one and continue on his or her meaningful relationship with his or her loved one.

Perhaps, this song, “I am a Thousand Winds” can help us appreciate this pastoral psychological concept in light of the Gospel reading.

Don't stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

Don't stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die
I am the swift rush of birds in flight
Soft stars that shine at night

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

Don't stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwkX3y8IFpQ

Of course, another character of the Holy Spirit, is a wind, breath – Ruah (Ruach) Elohim in Hebrew.

Sensing this pastoral psychological truth, Jesus further said, “If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father; for the Father is greater than I” (John 14:28). 

To further interpret this from a pastoral psychological perspective, Jesus is teaching not only that following his new command (to love one another as Jesus has loved – John 13:34, which appeared in the last Sunday’s Gospel reading) shall help us cope with grief over the physical absence of our deceased loved ones – because, which keeping our faith in Christ, the commander also means to love him.  We are faithful to a person we love, don’t we?

This Sunday, my friend, Reggie, testified this truth, as he shared his grief over his deceased sister, mixed with his appreciation and joy that God has sent him – his spiritual brother and sisters – in place of his beloved sister’s too-soon departure from this world.  As a pastoral psychologist, I have witnessed how Reggie’s steadfast faith in God and everlasting love for his sister, whose 4^th death anniversary was this Sunday, have been helping both him on earth and his sister in heaven.  I am sure that Reggie is sensing his sister’s (spiritual) presence as in the above song, too.  I am also grateful for Reggie’s testimony.