No Space for Narcissism in Prayer, Only Humility: a Lesson from the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector - Saturday of the Third Week of Lent

I have met fellow Catholics who say things like, “I am a good Catholic. I go to Mass every Sunday. I give money to the Church. I pray Rosary every day. I have read the Bible from cover to cover more than twice”.

Yes, such are above-average Catholics, who are more likely to go to heaven, right?

That’s what they wish, perhaps.

But, based on the Gospel Reading (Luke 18:9-14), what do you think Jesus would say about such a Catholic?

In the Gospel Reading, which is a parable, Jesus described two types of prayers, one is said by a Pharisee and the other is said by a tax collector. The Pharisee said, “O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity-greedy, dishonest, adulterous—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income (Luke 18:11-12).  The tax collector said, “O God, be merciful to me a sinner”(Luke 18:13).

And Jesus said that the tax collector was justified by God but the Pharisee was not, because:

Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted  (Luke 18:14; cf. Proverbs 29:23).

Now you know what Jesus would say about Catholics who want to let others know their piety and righteousness – at least on the surface. The question is what is in the heart to say how righteous and pious they are to others.

Didn’t Jesus remind us, through the Gospel Reading of Ash Wednesday (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18), that prayer is not to be made ostentatious? Rather it is to be kept private.

Prayer is to be done in humility. Therefore, it is not to be abused to boast ourselves. This is why the Pharisee, who was simply boasting himself to God, while denigrating others, cannot be justified – even it is true that he fast twice a week, pay big tithes, and do all exemplary things to give himself a pious impression.
Do you think that the Pharisee’s righteous acts are motivated out of his for God, out of his faith? Or, out of his narcissism?

In the Gospel Reading (Luke 18:9-14), Jesus described two types of sinners: a sinner who is blind to his sinfulness and a sinner who is aware of his sin and repents.

Which is the Pharisee? Which is the tax collector?

And with which one do you find yourself?

Have you ever thought, “Thank God! I am not like him (her)!”?  No, you do not have to verbalize it. Just such a thought comes across to your mind is enough to make you just as guilty as the Pharisee in the Gospel Reading.

We all have the tendency to feel good about ourselves by comparing ourselves to those who have less, those whose life situation is not as good as ours, those who seem less “holy”, and so forth.  And we complain, saying, “That’s not fair (to me)!” when we find ourselves on the opposite side: so-called “less fortunate” side.

What are we, then? Are we a bunch of complainers, who find a source of our self-esteem by comparing ourselves to those who are in “lesser” situations?

Psychologically, this is a typical symptom of those who are insecure.

Where does this psychological insecurity come from?

Theologically, such insecurity is due to a condition of our object relation to God. Namely, it is due to our insecure attachment with God.

Think of what you have learned from college psychology course. Remember the attachment theory of John Bowlby and Mar Ainsworth? It is about the quality of the mother (or primary caregiver)-child attachment and how it can affect the child’s personality development. Likewise, the paradigm of this attachment theory can be applied to understand the quality of our psychospiritual attachment with God.

Remember, through the metaphor of the vine and its branches (John 15:1-17), Jesus addresses his desire for us to be securely attached to him so that we can bear fruits, especially this fruit of the Holy Spirit: love (Galatians 5:22).  So, for someone to be securely attached to God, how can this person to belittle others to emphasize his or her own righteousness?   And those who bear fruit of love never speak like the Pharisee, because love does not boast oneself and selfish (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

The First Reading (Hosea 6:1-6) calls us to return to God, evoking the First Reading of Ash Wednesday (Joel 2:12-18), which calls us to return to God wholeheartedly.  What does it mean to return to God?

It means conversion. It means to restore our secure attachment with God.

Now you understand why the tax collector was justified. It is because he repented and sought God’s mercy. And the mercy of God helped him return to God, bringing him back to the secure attachment with God. But, pompous Pharisee remained far from God, keeping his insecurity.  That is why he can only feel good about himself by putting others down. But, God makes him low.

Perhaps, the Pharisee could have prayed like this – if he were humble, even though he really were more righteous than the tax collector:

“O God, I thank you for keeping me  on the right path according to your Word, as well as, your Law. Thank you for strengthening me to handle all challenges and giving me the endurance.

Please help me with your grace through the Holy Spirit so that I can serve you as your instrument to reach out to my brothers and sisters in struggles.

O God, have mercy on me as I also sin. Help me overcome temptations and my blindness”.

Prayer is conducted with humility, never with arrogance. To restore secure attachment with God, we need to seek God’s mercy so that we can produce more fruit of the Holy Spirit: love. So, we can love our neighbors better, especially those who are in need. Rather than putting them down, we reach out to those who are in need with love.

So, is your Lenten commitment bringing you closer to God, making you more secure with God, making you more loving and compassionate, while keeping yourself humble?

There is the contrast between the Pharisee and the tax collector in the Gospel Reading (Luke 18:9-14): blind sinner due to his narcissism, masked with self-righteousness vs. repentant sinner seeking God's mercy for conversion. Which one do you identify yourself?